FAQs

General Questions

What if I can’t clearly tell what stage my child is in?
Watch them at play. For example, a child in the earth stage of development will coo as you swing them gently or will smile and giggle as you swing them high. A child in the water stage wants to swing by themselves, yet also wants you to push them to get them going high, higher, highest. A child in the fire stage prefers to wind up the swing until it is taut, then let go and twirl around at a great rate of speed. If swinging with peers they often swing sideways trying their best to ram into the person sitting in the adjacent swing (all fiery movements and interactions). A child in the air stage of development (middle school age) generally will approach the swings with peers in tow. They will laugh and be silly and try to swing so high that the chains loop over the top of the swing set, or they will sit on each other’s laps and carry on loudly. An ether aged young person will approach the swings more pensively, more reminiscently. They may swing with a faraway look in their eye and copy some of the motions they experienced at younger ages, or just swing away gently as they think and feel. Observing your child in many different situations is the best way to accurately determine their current energetic stage of development.

What if I have multiple children in different stages of development at the same time?
This is an advantage rather than a disadvantage. A child with older or younger siblings is forced to develop flexibility and tolerance. For the parent experiencing the energetic stages for the second time, there is now a sense of confidence that didn’t exist before. Younger children give older children opportunities to re-visit previous stages through play and sibling interaction. This can be helpful when there are issues that may not have been resolved or worked through adequately the first time around. Conversely, older children help the younger ones to stretch and move toward maturity.

Is it possible to skip a stage?
Each stage is experienced by every individual, although some stages may be more obvious and others less so. For example, a child who is “watery” by nature may seem to stay in the water stage of development forever. Their innately watery characteristics influence how they experience each subsequent stage. They may seem to pass rather quickly through the air stage, as this child doesn’t display the pronounced airy characteristics of some other children.

What if my child seems to be in a stage that does not correspond with their chronological age?
The age of the child is not important. What is important is that children experience each energetic stage freely and without external interference. Honoring the energetic system requires us to follow the energies where they lead us. A five-year-old who still appears to be in the water stage must be honored, not pushed into the fire stage before they are ready. The ages provided in the energetic childhood development model are meant as guides, not as hard and fast rules for progression.

How can I encourage my child to feel and express their feelings, when this results in a disrespectful attitude?

First, you must take into consideration the age of the child in question. During the ages of 1-15 months, a child is in the earth stage of development and totally focused on getting their needs met. They will cry when they are hungry, uncomfortable, scared or upset. It is up to the parent to help meet these needs, ensuring a sense of safety in the world. Judging behaviors at this stage as disrespectful wouldn't be appropriate. During the water stage of development (15 mos.-3 1/2 yrs) a child is fragile and volatile. Emotions rage, language flows and activities abound for the child of this age. The characteristics of water are very present, for just as water can freeze to ice, or boil over on a hot stove, or ripple peacefully by in some quiet brook, our children's experience of the world at this stage is ever changing and unpredictable. The best way to encourage respectful behavior is through cueing and modeling. A child can be asked to use an inside voice or to ask nicely. They can be asked to treat others nicely and abide by rules that include no name calling, no biting or hitting, etc. Natural consequences can be employed as needed, but modeling is by far the best tactic at this stage.

By the fire stage of development (ages 4-10) children should have a sense of respect for themselves and for others (both young and old). A child who screams at adults or friends when they want something or are angry, can be told that screaming is inappropriate and that their request will not be acknowledged when they do so. A good rule of thumb here: Don't allow your child to speak to you using a tone of voice or vocabulary that you wouldn't expect others to use. If you are angry, you can pound a pillow, scream into a pillow in your room, use your words to express your anger, paint an angry picture, listen to loud music. If you are angry you may not hit, demean, demand, scream, shout or use profanity. How long would any of us stay friends with someone who treated us poorly? Not very long! Expression within the confines of appropriate and respectful behavior is always okay. The raging river needs a solid embankment to confine its depths. A fiery inferno needs some water and containment in order to burn itself out without causing damage to others. Respectful behavior is learned, so don't be afraid to teach your children what it's all about.

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