I watched as Jesse fidgeted at the art table.  I offered him some tools with which to draw and he chose the colored chalk.  A few moments later, I stepped across the room to grab a game and in that 30 second period, Jesse managed to tear some big holes in the paper and draw on the table.  Deciding against the board game, I suggested a more active game.  Minutes later I was involved in “extreme” ping pong, the likes of which I had never played before.  Jesse’s parents complained that he couldn’t concentrate and was destructive in class.  I was beginning to get a feel for exactly what they meant.  

The next time we got together, I was prepared.  I had all kinds of materials available which Jesse could destroy.  From cutting up an apple, to tearing up an old phone book, to breaking up pencils into little bits, we thrashed, spindled and mutilated.  By the time we were finished, Jesse had begun to relax, a smile on his face.  The rest of our time together was “normal,” and I was able to help Jesse refocus his energy quite easily. 

It is important that children with ADHD be allowed ample opportunities to expend energy.  Destructive behaviors can result when energy has nowhere to go.  Counselors, teachers and parents may misinterpret what is going on and assume that a child is angry when they are not.  Jesse is not really angry, he just needs a variety of outlets in which to channel his energy.

Ever have the opportunity to observe children who ignore their parents, children who are totally in control of what happens in the family?  I recently watched as a little boy of about eleven grabbed some candy from a candy bowl in a professional office.  His mother immediately told him to put the candy back.  He laughed.  A few moments later, his sister crossed the room and grabbed some candy from the bowl.  Mom told both children to put that candy back!  She talked about all the left over Halloween candy that they had at home.  The children looked at her calmly and proceeded to unwrap the candy one piece at a time and eat it right in front of her.

Why would children so blatantly disregard the request of a parent?  The only reasonable answer is that they don’t believe that their parents really mean what they say.  The danger of this situation is that sometime a teacher, a parent or other authority figure may really need this child to follow directions.  The ability to follow instructions might prove life saving in some situations.  Some parents bark out orders without even stopping to think of what they are saying.  Mom says don’t eat that candy without even thinking about it.  She really doesn’t care if the kids have some candy, but it somehow seems like good parenting to say, “no.”  Better to smile and say, “Help yourself to the candy bowl,” than to say otherwise and ignore blatant defiance.  Consistent discipline helps your child feel safe and helps them develop a strong, earthy foundation from which to grow.