Theresa is fourteen-years old and a cynic.  Her mom has been “working on herself” for as long as Theresa can remember and she is sick of hearing about it.  Every time they try to talk about what is going on at school or in her life with her friends, the conversation always seems to turn to her mom’s latest "ah-ha or revelation."  When I met Theresa she was skeptical and resistant to our time together.  It took a lot of patience on my part and some testing on hers, before we reached a place of mutual trust and healing.  Theresa needed to know that I didn’t have an agenda and that our work together wouldn’t ultimately lead to some crisis or breakthrough for her mother.  She needed to know that this journey of healing was hers and hers alone.

I heard the news a couple of days ago.  One of our local middle schools received a bomb threat for today, September 20th.  Although all of the school officials are certain it is just a hoax, nine chances out of ten just the misdirected energy of youth, they still must take every precaution.  Our society is filled with high energy, hyper sensitive children. We all know that these children are internally wired for the technologically advanced age in which they find themselves.  At very young ages our children are computing, texting, programming our cellular phones, videographing and playing fast paced video or computer games.  It is understandable to me that violence has increased, for our parenting and educational systems have not kept pace. 

Babies arrive today who do not have the same sleep requirements of previous generations; our toddlers are hyper sensitive, hyperactive, powerhouses of energy.  New parents find it difficult to bond with and occupy these children.  Exhaustion sets in.  Left unmet, the early energetic needs of these children turn to frustration, depression and overwhelm.  Lacking the maturity necessary to channel their energetic or emotional needs, violence begins to emerge.  By the time these kids reach elementary school, their fiery energy is channeled inward as depression or outward as aggression.  Lacking the basic skills needed to express themselves in healthy ways during the airy stage of middle school, they resort to destructive forms of expression--violence erupts!  So sad...  As I look at the clock to see if school has started, I send up a little prayer of protection for the students and teachers at Cal Young.  I tell myself that it is not too late.  We can still change the tide.  Our children are for the most part resilient, aren’t they?

One day while playing outside Max hears his mother call him from inside the house.  Little rivers of sweat streaming down the sides of his red face, he bursts into the kitchen while his mother’s back is turned.  Mom slowly turns around in time to see Max exiting the kitchen, large puddles of water and mud trailing behind him.  At this point mom has several choices.  She can shriek, “Max, stop!  Turn right around and march yourself back outside.”  Or, she can call out, “Max, wait a minute,” and run for the camera to snap a candid photo.  Or, she can throw her head back and laugh while leisurely helping Max to wipe up the kitchen floor.  The last two responses help Max develop a sense of humor while mom manages her stress.  In addition, Max engages in teamwork and helps take responsibility for his mess.

Suzie is famous for talking with her mouth full at meal-time.  Dad frequently admonishes her to take smaller bites and wait to speak until her mouth is empty.  He notices occasional improvement, but it seems like an uphill battle.  More often than not, Suzie continues to talk while eating and chokes on swigs of drink that even an adult could not swallow.  Eventually dad gets desperate.  One night while eating dinner, he gulps down his drink and fills his mouth with unbelievable quantities of food?  Sputtering as he speaks, dad’s behavior strikes even little Suzie as obnoxious.  It doesn’t take long for the object lesson to reach its mark, as Suzie breaks up into fits of laughter.

A parent who is adept at turning a phrase, creating a game, or laughing at the absurd will endear their children to themselves forever.  A parent who is critical and too serious will foster these same traits in their children.  Life is serious business and our children are painfully aware of this fact.  From stranger danger, to “just say no,” to “stop, look and listen,” our children are inundated daily with messages of safety and caution.  Add a hectic lifestyle to academic pressure and you are left with a child assailed by the realities of life on every side.  The perfect antidotes for such a condition are humor, playfulness and just plain fun.  Not only will your children benefit from such an approach, but you will benefit as well.

Most of us have experienced the embarrassment of standing in the checkout line at the store, a screaming toddler in tow.  Generally, the screams indicate our refusal to oblige our child with a candy purchase.  Intent on setting limits and maintaining control, we stand red-faced, praying that the shopper ahead will hurry. Children in the water stage of development are experiencing emotions that are new to them.  One of the most intense of these emotions is desire.  Having recently moved through the earth stage where trust was developed through the meeting of their basic needs, these same children have difficulty understanding why we are not responding to their expressions of need and desire right now!  What has happened?  They are confused.  In addition, they find themselves living in a giant’s world filled with all kinds of tastes, colors and sights that are just out of reach. This situation calls for patience and discrimination.  It is important to determine quickly which childish requests must be met with a “no” response and which with a “yes”. 

When you have determined that your child cannot have the object or participate in the activity that they desire, your “no” must be confident and firm.  Once the “no” has been delivered, it is time to move on.  Operating with a limited attention span and immature reasoning ability, children in the water stage are all too ready to move on to the next activity if encouraged to do so.  Children who are left in “watery” torrents of despair for too long, however, have difficulty redirecting themselves.  Following the energy of this stage requires patience.  Yelling at a flooding stream isn’t very effective, redirecting the flow of water and bringing out the sand bags, just might save the day.