Mary is a successful business woman whose life is hectic and intense.  She balances her time between a demanding career as an attorney, two children, a spouse and community commitments.  She wakes up to the smell of coffee every day and pours herself a big mug before she even enters the shower.  Mary has a “fiery and airy” energetic style, which means she is passionate, driven, articulate, fast-moving, effective, collaborative, dynamic and charismatic.  The biggest challenges that Mary faces are at home.  She finds herself feeling impatient and disconnected from her children, even though she spends quality time with them each evening.  Her oldest child, a low energy and “earthy” nine-year old, marches to the rhythm of a very slow drum and likes it that way.  Madison is startled by her mother’s intensity and resists by moving even more slowly in her presence.  She’s not trying to be difficult, she is just overwhelmed and responds by shutting down.  Darvin, Madison’s brother, is a couple of years younger. A “fiery” kid, he engages in battles with his mother over the smallest things.  Instead of using the commonality of the energy they share to connect, they are more inclined to channel this energy into fighting and competing.  Roger, Mary's “watery” spouse, is emotional and effusive. He channels his energy easily between each family member, balancing and connecting.  He finds it easy to pull Madison along using his sweet and disarming style.  His relationship with Darvin is more complex.  Roger doesn’t like Darvin's very short fuse and can be put off by his intensity, yet he is usually the one who finds a way to help him regain his composure after one of his “blow ups.”  Roger tends to withdraw from the family interactions during the evening, but watches the many little dramas unfold, trying to stay clear of the chaos.

This little description clearly outlines how our very different energetic styles affect the ways that we interact as families.  Understanding who we are energetically as individuals is paramount.  Then, we can begin to look at the energetic makeup of other family members, using our unique energetic styles to deepen and heal our relationships.

A computer consists of a metal or plastic casing, a hard drive made of microchips and electrical components that will conduct electricity.  Software is the “brain” of the computer that allows downloading, uploading, processing and computing to take place.  This brain consists of memory chips to retain information.  Energy is what animates all of the hardware and software components.  Without energy, a computer is just an inanimate object with zero ability. 

The same is true for us as human beings.  Our bodies are the casing or hardware that defines us as human.  Our minds or brains allow us to remember, upload, download, process, compute and reason.  The energy or electricity that flows through this system, through every nerve, every synapse, every blood vessel, every cell, animates us.  Without energy we cease to exist.  We have paid attention to our physical, mental and emotional systems for some time now.  We have only recently begun to acknowledge the energy that courses through us.  Disruptions in energy flow cause the physical and emotional systems to breakdown.  We as parents must tune into our own energetic systems first, becoming self-aware and respectful of this energy.  Only then can we begin to help our children develop the same self-awareness and respect.  For we are energetically fueled.....  We are energy!

Saul loves to play role playing games (RPG) on the computer.  In fact, he loves the game he’s currently playing so much that he would do just about anything to level up his character.  In the early days of play, he would manipulate younger more inexperienced characters to acquire highly valued items.  After being banned for these activities, he resorted to pirating items. When this proved an arduous and often unsatisfying task, he looked for other ways to attain wealth. In desperation, he finally “borrowed” his parent's debit card number in order to purchase valuable items.  It worked at first, because he took out small enough dollar amounts that they didn’t notice.  But, eventually his need for the power and prestige of having a highly leveled and wealthy character was so great; he threw caution to the wind and stole several hundred dollars from his parents account.  He was grounded for awhile, but wasn’t too concerned, for he still had all his precious items and a character that made most of his friends jealous.

The scenario I just recounted is true.  It is true not only for Saul, a child I know, but it is true for hundreds of children out there.  There are whole websites devoted to the sale of costly items for the most popular RPG.  The online sales consultants are sophisticated and savvy.  They convince kids that they must buy their wares or level up their characters in order to be popular or “cool.”  Children in the fire stage of development are not yet ready to make “ether” level decisions on the “ether net”.  They lack the maturity and energetic foundation necessary to do so.  They need our help staying safe and developing a healthy moral code when on the computer.  I talked in an earlier blog about the value of some RPG’s in teaching children various real life skills with money, socialization, etc.  I stand behind those views.  Yet, I’m well aware that, as with most things in life, there are dangers as well.  We as parents need to take the time to explore these virtual worlds, familiarize ourselves with the language spoken there and educate ourselves.  By so doing, we maintain communication within our families regarding online activities and provide our children necessary guidance.

As I sit at my computer trying to write, my powers of concentration are assaulted by constant frenetic sounds coming from our gerbil cages.  I grew up with the belief that every child needs a pet.  Living in the country, I was fortunate to have helped take care of lambs, rabbits, many cats, several dogs, a horse, cattle, chickens, a pet bat, rattlesnake, gopher, some fish, three turtles and a cedar wax wing chick.  These experiences helped me develop a strong sense of responsibility early on.  I learned that animals that were not fed, tended to get sick or wander off.  My pets became my friends and confidantes. 

My own children have been privileged to have cats, dogs, fish and gerbils as pets.  Animals bring out the best in children.  It is often a child's first experience of interacting with something less powerful than themselves.  During the ages of 2 years and up (water stage and onward), children are capable of nurturing and helping to take care of a pet.  Animals help teach lessons in  gentleness, kindness, selflessness, empathy and responsibility.  So even though the pug curled up on my feet and the hyperactive gerbils complicate my life in some ways; even though I sometimes chafe when I have to feed and water them all once again because someone else forgot; I am well aware of the gifts they have been to my children and family as a whole.  And for that, I am grateful.

Recently my twelve-year old asked me about global warming.  He was afraid the planet would be so hot by the time he grew up that everyone would die.  I talked about how slowly the planet is warming and how we are doing so much as a family and society to change the trends.  I talked about how their were lots of worries about air pollution when I was growing up and how we are doing so much better today with factory emissions in most places.  I left him with a message of hope for the future.  For if he feels empowered and hopeful, he will live an empowered and optimistic life.  If he feels hopeless and powerless, the legacy continues.

Carla didn’t feel well.  Her throat was scratchy, her back ached and she felt cold.  She curled up in her blankets, trying to get warm.  When mom came in to get her up for school she knew right away that Carla was sick.  Sitting on the edge of the bed, mom began rubbing her back.  “Tell me where you feel bad, sweetie,” momma crooned.  Carla pulled away, scooting across the bed toward the wall.

“I just feel sick,” she whined.  “Don’t touch me!” 

Two days later, Carla’s brother, Danny, contracted the same scratchy throat, achy joints and fever.  When mom stopped by his room before school, he reached out as she walked across the room.  “Come sit with me,” he wailed.  “Rub my back, mommy.  I’m so sick.”

Two children, two very different reactions…..  Carla is fiery by nature and needs to feel a sense of control.  Illness for her, is irritating and overwhelming.  She doesn’t want to be rubbed, or talked to, or babied.  She just wants to get better and get better NOW.  Danny, on the other hand, is more touchy feely, characteristic of a water type.  He needs to feel connected and craves physical and emotional connection.

Differences that we find endearing during the course of a normal day, can become irritating and stressful when illness rears its head.  Reviewing the characteristics of each energy type, can help.  We’ll soon be starting a new school year with all its accompanying viruses.  Providing your child with what they need energetically when they are sick will make the recovery process easier for everyone.