As animated, thinking, feeling, energetic beings, we are innately powerful.  How we use this power affects our overall energy and health, as well as the energy and health of those around us.  I often find the metaphor of the elements helpful in assisting me to channel my power constructively vs. destructively.  We as parents, are the guardians and guides for our children.  We mirror for them the characteristics of self-control and discipline.  If dad is punitive and domineering in his delivery of a "consequence," then Johnny learns that lesson.  If dad is fair and consistent in his use of power, Johnny grows up learning those lessons. 

When reviewing the qualities of each element, it is easy to overlay these qualities in real-life situations.  For example, when the earth becomes too hard (fear, stubborness, inflexibility) the antidote is water to soften things up (sharing of emotions, connection, re-directing the flow of energy).  When Amanda stubbornly refuses to cooperate by putting away her toys, dad can stop, spend time connecting with her in that moment, reflect back to her what it appears she is feeling and help her re-direct her energy more positively.  Dad can say something like, "You don't want to put your toys away right now.  You are having too much fun.  You're trying to pretend that you didn't hear me."  Amanda "feels" dad connecting with her and also hears him mirroring back what she is feeling.  Dad continues, "I bet we could make putting away these toys a fun game.  Who can put away the most toys the quickest, you or me?  I bet you I will win."  Dad re-directs Amanda's need to continue the fun, keeps his connection by participating with her and helps her to do what she is asked to do.  Everyone wins.  The balance of power remains intact and Amanda benefits from the wise guidance of such a loving parent.  If, however, dad becomes angry and begins threatening (fiery).  The heat of his anger will only (harden the earth) and increase the stubbornness.  A power struggle will ensue. Using airy energy in this situation to plead or cajole would probably have minimal or no effect, the message falling on "deaf ears."  Using the logical higher reasoning of ether to reach this child is probably beyond her ability to process and understand at this point and will also have little effect.  Approaching each situation energetically ensures success.

Within the animal kingdom there are many different styles of parenting.  Some animals diligently care for their young for several years, others seem to use an intensive, short period of time to instill all the lessons necessary for survival.  There are birds that lay their eggs in someone else's nest, expecting them to raise their chicks.  There are others who nudge their offspring out of the nest before they appear to be ready.  The approaches are varied and ingenious for each specie.  In nature, the adult nurtures, teaches and corrects, instinctively knowing that survival is at stake.  A fawn that doesn't stay hidden during the day, may not survive until nightfall.  A bear cub who runs willy-nilly into the rapids looking for fish, might just get swept away by the strong currents.  Animal parents may chirp, or growl, or chortle, or snort, but the one thing they all do effectively is communicate clearly with their young.  Exceedingly patient, a mother bear or lioness will allow their cubs to play all around and "on" them while napping.  Yet when danger appears, these same low-key, lounging mothers quickly grab their cubs by the scruff of the neck and carry them to safety.  Sometimes I think we are too removed from nature by our harried and sophisticated lifestyles.  We have lost our patience and forgotten how to nurture, teach and correct.  So take a moment and shut your eyes.  Imagine roaming through a beautifully picturesque nature scene with your child.  What kind of parent are you?

Kyle taps his foot impatiently as he waits for his mother and teacher to finish chatting in the classroom. He knows he is in trouble again, but he's not sure why.  He looks around the hallway, an all too familiar scene.  He spends a lot of time in this hallway, away from his classmates and the many distractions that engage him.  School is boring.  He struggles with math and reading.  The materials don't always make sense to him, so he finds himself mostly guessing at the answers.  He knows his teacher likes him and he likes her, but he still feels like a failure.  At home it's a different story.  Kyle reads, types and calculates with ease when playing Runescape, his favorite computer game.  Now, that world makes sense to him!  He understands the strategies and goals of the game.  He is able to compete in quests, chat with peers using acronyms and abbreviations (a computerized short-hand) while simultaneously strategizing new ways to increase his wealth.  Naturally intuitive and quick to anticipate, Kyle is successful in a virtual world where he competes with kids who are much older than he.  If only real life were so simple! 

Kyle is capable of learning, he just learns differently than the generations that preceded him.  His ability to focus for long periods of time and remain engaged in an on-line environment, proves that an "attention deficit" is not really the problem.  Kyle's brain is wired in a way that requires the stimulation of a fast-paced, multidimensional environment where multi-tasking is the norm.  When his brain is busy and engaged, distractions are no longer an issue.  In fact, his powers of concentration are so intense that the rest of the world ceases to exist when he is immersed in the virtual world of Runescape.  It is time to bring fast-paced, multidimensional, multi-tasking, hands-on tools into the classroom.  Many of our children can no longer learn in the quiet, overly populated classrooms where reading, memorization and testing are the benchmarks of a good teacher.  Instead, classrooms need to be technologically advanced laboratories teeming with activities.  Only then will Kyle's confidence and enthusiasm for learning return.

Why is it that the same child diagnosed with ADHD at school, can sit in front of a video screen for hours on end?  Many parents feel exasperated at the thought that their child can't sit still for 15 minutes of Social Studies, yet can easily sit for an hour of video game play.  I've even heard some parents imply that the child is not really ADHD, but merely stubborn or naughty in the classroom.  This is not true.  The rapid visual and kinesthetic movement required in playing a video game is very different than anything experienced in class.  Many of the children born today arrive with an electrical circuitry that is very different from their parents.  Physically wired to function in a highly advanced technological society, these children are confused and overwhelmed by expectations that don't fit within this fast moving framework.  Shamed or punished for behaviors that are seen as disruptive in school, these children want nothing more than to succeed, but lack the ability to slow down and focus their attention in the way that we currently require.

Sharing blocks of information is a more effective strategy than engaging in lengthy lectures or requiring large reading assignments.  Engaging critical thinking skills while using a hands-on approach is largely successful.  The home and classroom environments need to provide many physical outlets.  Physical movement needs to be incorporated into the learning process, not viewed as a separate, disruptive or distracting behavior.  An attention span that is short is not necessarily "bad" or something that needs medicating/fixing.  We can teach and parent more effectively by helping our children focus their innate abilities. These strategies include moving swiftly through materials, emphasizing key points and blocks of information, as well as incorporating lots of physical interaction. Only then will a child with an ADHD diagnosis be able to learn while retaining a sense of self-worth.

It feels good to be back!  After 8 days of camping in the redwoods, sleeping in a tent and otherwise roughing it, my bed has never felt so good.  I'm not an avid camper.  I just participate in this get-away each year in order to socialize with extended family.  There is always an adjustment period, but I've found that once I get used to being outside 24/7, I do begin to relax, allowing the layers of stress to slip away.  Children are a big part of this event, so there is never a shortage of fun.  I noticed this year that whenever we would leave camp to go on a hike, run to town or go down to the river, the kids referred to our camp as "home."  "When are we going back hoooome?" they would whine.  I was struck by the fact that the homey structures and belongings we had all left behind in order to be together, really weren't "home" to our kids.  To them, home consists of family, specifically parents and siblings.  I never once heard a child whining about missing one of their possessions.  They all took to the woods easily, never looking back.  Oh, there were moments when boredom reared its ugly head.  But then some creative soul would make a suggestion and the whole camp would come alive again, collectively engaging in some new activity.  The day-to-day behaviors that drive parents to distraction were as present in our campsite as back in our homes.  The same kids who whine about toothbrushing or showering, or who leave gum wrappers and books strewn around their rooms, consistently did so at camp too.  We parents laughed and commiserated.  We comforted ourselves with the knowledge that we all have our challenges, challenges that really are not so very different.  It was hard to say good-bye, but once the tears were dried and we settled in for the long drive ahead, we parents were all assailed with the same familiar refrain, "When are we gonna get hoooome?!"