David walked home from school with a smile on his face.  It had been a good day.  He and his friends shared CDs between classes, and he was going home with new music.  The girl he was sorta going out with had written love messages all over his left hand and arm.  He thought it looked really cool.  His best friend had dyed his hair a really dark black color and Dave was toying with the thought of doing the same thing.  In fact, he had impulsively ducked into the corner store and bought a dark rinse a few moments before. Arriving home, he threw his backpack on the dining room table, put his new CD in the computer, cranked up the volume, then settled in front of the TV to play some video games.

 A couple hours later mom came home.  She could hear loud music from the driveway as she parked the car.  The sound of artillery wafted out the open living room window.  She glanced around the neighborhood, wondering if any of the neighbors were home.

We can all imagine the probable looming confrontation.  But let's stop for a moment and analyze the situation.  Here is a 15 year-old boy who is in the air stage of development energetically.  Everything about his life right now centers around self-expression.  David is doing his "work."  How can mom affirm his need to be heard and seen and listened to, without getting pulled into a tempestuous squall?  The answer lies in recognizing what is going on and responding appropriately.  If you expect a few winds of rebellion, some blustery defensiveness and tumultuous irresponsibility, then your expectations are reasonable.  Approaching the whole situation with humor and a willingness to listen and affirm will help. Kids who feel heard and seen are almost always willing to abide by the family rules.  Kids who feel loved even when they blow off their homework or chores, kids who feel loved even when they look ridiculous or overreact, are the kids who easily transition into the next and final stage.

Our bodies channel electricity constantly.  Every thought, every breath, every heartbeat originates as an electrical impulse traveling down a nerve or synapse that animates and gives us life.  We don't think about it or manage it, it just happens.  We are energetic beings with energetic fields. 

We use machines and tools on a daily basis that need energy to operate.  Some use lots of energy, others use minimal amounts.  If there is a disruption in the flow of energy, big or small, the machine or tool doesn't work properly.  It is the same with us.  Sometimes we choose to ignore the signals that there is something wrong.  We know the car seems to be chugging along. We know we don't feel quite right, but we try not think about it.  We have things to do, places to go.  The next thing we know we are sick, depressed, out of sorts.  Ignoring these signals  can result in a broken down car by the side of the road or a physical or emotional illness.  Paying attention to the signals early on makes all the difference.  

I love it late at night and early in the morning when it is quiet and peaceful.  I never fill these quiet hours with obligations or "shoulds."  Instead, I give myself permission to do anything I want, including doing nothing at all.  Sleep is more peaceful, my day more serene when I take this time.  It isn't always easy.  Sometimes I feel pressured by that email that needs sending, those chores that need doing, that book that I should read.  But when I feel that tightening in my chest and that pressure pushing me on, I stop and get very quiet.  Amazingly, the pressure is relieved and I can breathe easily again. 

Recently I began taking early morning walks with my twelve year old.  No IPODS, no agenda, no purpose to the exercise, just he and I walking.  I'm attempting to model for him the ability to get quiet and allow yourself to feel your body, your emotions, your soul.  He thought it was dumb at first and resisted.  But now, several weeks into it, he looks forward to this time.  The other day when no one was looking, he actually held my hand for the last several yards of our walk.  He didn't say anything.  I didn't say anything.  I just felt his hand in mine and gave it a little squeeze and enjoyed the quiet beauty all around us.  Yesterday, I overslept and my son was irritated.  "What happened to our walk," he challenged me last night.  I apologized, and then walking into the next room, I smiled.

Amanda loved going to the store with her mom.  At 2 1/2 years of age, she found the colors, the lights, the smells and the people all very stimulating and exciting.  When mom announced Friday morning that they would be going to buy groceries today, Amanda squealed with delight, rushing around the house to find her favorite shoes for the occasion.  Alarmed at Amanda's level of excitement in light of the fact that it was only 7:00 a.m. and mom didn't intend to go to the store until 10:00, Mom was quick to explain that there was plenty of time to find the shoes, for they wouldn't be going to the store for another few hours.  Amanda was heartbroken and flooded with emotion.  She sobbed as if she might never go to the store at all!  Mom tried to explain why they had to wait to go.  She tried to calm Amanda down, but to no avail.  Tears streamed down Amanda's face as she babbled incoherently.  Frustrated, mom finally threatened her with a "time out" if she didn't quit carrying on so. 

Desperate for a distraction, mom asked Amanda if she would like to help fix breakfast.  Within moments, Amanda's tears were gone and she giggled with glee as mom whipped the eggs and she waited excitedly to dip slices of bread in the slippery mixture.  She talked incessantly and asked a million questions as they worked together frying the french toast.  Mom was hardly listening.  Already feeling weary, she quickly slathered butter and syrup on Amanda's toast and plopped it on a plate.  Amanda's chin began to quiver and moisture gathered in her eyes again as she wailed, " I wanted to pour it!  Let me do it."   Mom sighed and glanced at the clock.  It was only 7:50. 

The preceding story illustrates very well the tumultuous and unpredictable quality of the water stage of development for families.  Children in this stage are awash with emotion.  Laughter  quickly fades and joy is reduced to tears. Sorrow and grief convert to raging torrents of anger.  Anger trickles away unexpectedly and once again joy emerges.  Emotions are intense and ever flowing.  Language flows during this time as well.  Discontent with the mere labeling of objects, these children now understand the rudimentary concepts of communication and babble incessantly.  Filled with wonder, these little ones constantly ask us, "why?" until our ears ache and our mouths no longer answer.  As if the emotional roller coaster and chatter isn't enough these children are powerhouses of energy. 

One of the gifts we can give ourselves and our children is to channel the positive qualities of water in a healing and productive way.  We need to provide our little ones with plenty of opportunities to flow from one activity to the next.  Distraction and redirection work wonders.  It's easier to redirect the flow of water than to damn it up behind some rigid structure.  We want to create emotionally healthy children who are comfortable expressing their emotions.  We want to encourage connection through communication (talking and listening).  We want to help direct and guide these bundles of energy, not restrict or impede.
 

I watched a program this weekend that talked about our dwindling natural resources.  The commentator talked about our earth, our water, our energy resources (fire), our polluted air and the affects all of this is having on our ozone (etheric/gaseous) layer.  Our physical planet is comprised of elements and these elements are mirrored in our physical bodies. 

Our skeletal structure is our "earthy" foundation.  Our kidneys, bladder and endocrine system embody "water."  Our body conducts electricity (fire) through nerve endings and synapses.  Every heart beat, every breath, every thought originates in an electrical current.  Our body requires oxygen (air) and our bodies circulate this oxygen through a complex respiratory/circulatory system.  Our higher reasoning, logic and desire for transcendence all take place in our brain, the more "etheric" part of ourselves.  Ever wonder why they call it the ether net?  So as we contemplate saving our planet, we are truly contemplating saving ourselves. 

Each of us approaches the children in our lives energetically.  Whether we acknowledge it or not, we bring to parenting, teaching or caretaking our unique energetic style.  Observe yourself and ask yourself a few questions. 

When I'm playing with my child is my focus solely on the activity at hand?  If so, you may be more of an "earthy" type, well grounded and detail oriented you use time with your child to model through doing. 

Do I use my interaction primarily as an opportunity to physically or emotionally connect?  Then you may be more "watery" and effusive in nature where connection is primary.

Is my focus more about competing or collaborating?   This approach is more "fire" driven and is typical of those creative souls who are motivated by the "fire in their belly."

Do I fill the time together with lots of conversation and spontaneous activity?  You may be more of the free spirit, "airy" type.

Do I spend my time explaining carefully the logic or reason behind the activity making it an educational or motivational moment?  Then you are more likely an "etheric" type who uses higher reasoning to transcend the challenges of life. 

The better you know yourself, the more easily you will be able to use this knowledge to better understand your child and interpret their behaviors.

This morning I attended a 6^th grade boy’s basketball game.  During half-time, I noticed that each boy behaved in ways consistent with his energetic type.  Some boys practiced making baskets by themselves.  A couple moved to the stands to connect with their parents.  Several played together scrimmaging.  A few boys dribbled the basketball from one end of the gym to the other.  A couple of boys sat on the bench appearing to be deep in thought or watching their teammates.  What did the various activities represent?  The “earthy” types were diligently practicing their baskets with obvious concentration.  Those more “watery” by nature drifted over to their parents for connection and reassurance.  The “fiery” types were collaborating and competing with each other.  The “airy” natured kids were propelled down the court showboating fancy ball handling.  The more “etheric” types were drawn to the bench to analyze their peers or reflect on the first half of the game.  What a rich and diverse group.  It takes all of them to make a team.